The Woodwork......and The D Word

Once again I'm haunted by the past....unfortunatley for the past, I ain't scared of shit.

My ex whom I like to call *730 gave me a call last week, she stated that she got my number from friends at our old job who we still cool with. I didn't expect this considering she is clear cross the country and out of my life. Moved on with some dude that didn't measure up I guess. Anyway, she says she misses me, and although she is doing fine I can't really figure out why she called the kid. At least until I mentioned I had a woman, then it went from "oh that's nice" to "I really want to see you" wait, didn't i just say I was taken? You are talking to me from Florida that's a visit in itself, why make your way up this way? More importantly, what the fuck possessed you to call me anyway? Last time I checked, we didn't work out cause of her insecurity issues, what the fuck makes her think I'm in a hurry to see her anyway? It's shit like this that makes for a prelude to a shitload of problems that myself and my woman don't need. It's bad enough that I'm in a funk now, it's even worse to turn my depression to some type of anger.

So you saw the D word huh? Yeah, I'm depressed. I'm in a rut, In a funk don't know what you call it. I woke up shaking and shit, then I took a look next to me and unloaded a fury of punches to my bed. I woke up on the wrong side of the earth. I woke up in pain, I woke up in love and missing my woman with a passion. To make matters worse, I woke up alone. Again. This has been the hardest thing to deal with for me in a long time. The night before, I went to work, she was working, she got off, we talked and she went to bed. I sat there and sat there, lost in the whole convo, as though we needed to be next to each other talking, not on the phone. Where I am, I tend to worry, because I know that she can take care of herself, yet it bothers me because I know that she misses me more than anything, and it would make both our days if we ended them together. You know the feeling you get when you actually found someone you can spend time with and you chill and enjoy each other, only for them to go back to where they came, and you are stuck with that looming feeling like, damn.....why do we have to be apart? Then the lonliness kicks in, and the world starts to feel big all over again. Sure, it should feel good that I can be free to do what I please and enjoy life, but what good is it when I can't share this world of mine directly with the one I love......*sigh*

So for the termite that came out the woodwork.....you can eat at the house all you want...you won't be succesful breaking up a happy home.

As for me? I got to keep on keeping on, somehow things are going to change, I can't wait til it happens.

until then yall be cool

DaChamp