Mall Sessions Vol. 1

You gotta love this town, now we are having age restrictions at the mall now. Know what that means? You guessed it, there won't be that many things to bring to you in the time to come. But hey, I did say that I was going to give it to yall right? Besides, if you been keeping up, you should already know that I been working on a book and pretty much anything else that has to do with fowarding my life with the least stress possible. So on a much lighter note I now bring you the infamous events (all true) that I've experienced at the mall...

The Return of White Parents....

I can't really speak on ALL of yall, so to the other area codes don't take this the wrong way. But over here in the 413, I have had the chance to witness 3 different ass whoopins and two snatch ups on just one trip. I came out of Foot Locker and noticed a kid just trying to keep himself in the video game store. You can already tell the mother was already agitated because she had her daughter in one hand and two huge bags from Sears in the other. Her tone was stern, but kid was on a trip where he just couldn't take no for an answer. He asked once more and she said "look James I'm ready to go, and I don't have any money for that....let's go please" it was at this time that the kid took things to another level and threw the game down and started to kick things on the way out. I don't know if the moms was prepared or not, but the daughter was out of that arm and before the kid was two steps from the stores entrance, she yanked his ass right out the store and gave him a good 8 whacks across his ass, followed by a chin check (for you black mothers out there you know the little index finger/thumb grip you put on someone that you just had turn their back on you?...okay) this happened with a lot of people watching. There was dialogue, but the whoopin was what was historic......I almost wanted to applaud, but a group of older black women did that for me. Gotta love that shit.

Also with this age restriction comes these overdeveloped birds that want to come and try to make themselves look older by coming to the mall now. Some spots got blown, and was sure as hell funny. One that stood out was a few weeks ago when I came out to the bus stop to have a Newport. Homegirl asked me for one, I made it a point by saying that I didn't have wings and being the Cigarette Fairy was something I was not. Yet she took that as an excuse to talk to me, cause I looked around and saw her friends just standing around some bushes just staring and giggling. So she asked me my age and when I told her, she was like -oooh I never been with someone that old...........................

I just had to put some space there for yall to figure out that part out dig me? Anyway, she then pulls out a Dutch and questions whether or not I hit the Cheeba......now it ain't that hard to tell that I do partake in a little herbal enlightment, yet this was too good to be true. She had purple haze and I was actually a good ten minutes from going to pick up my own shit. So the choice was either hustle her for it, in other words smoke most of her shit (scavenger) or let it be and go head. Considering it was only her on the lightup, and she was about done rolling. I managed to hit the el. Now the dialogue was a little more open now that she's buzzed. I don't know what it is about the good shit, but that shit was like a truth serum to her cause she mentioned to me that she's bisexual, just dropped out, and no more than a week and a half past 14. I'm really glad that we weren't in a car. In a flip though, I managed to walk away with half her el, some of her little half ounce and her connect is now my connect. Younguns.....


I have to document this ass whoopin just becuase it was so tactical the way she did the shit. I was in Filene's looking for something to get for an upcoming holiday. I was downstairs in the ladies department where I saw these two kids just playing tag or some shit around some clothes. Anyway, you could notice that she was past the point of being a little upset cause her face was a little red and her words were short and stern. Anyway, I found myself looking at this sweater where then one of those kids knocked over a good amount of clothes just sitting on a rack. The other kid happened to be with his mom at the counter chillin. Guess he knew what was going down. She was quiet, real quiet....called his name like she was going to buy him something. Kid still wanted to run around, while she was calling his name, I noticed that she was slowly stalking to his location. Sheeeit, you think my nosy ass didn't follow? Man, this woman must've been watching some shit on tv or something cause this kid put some item on his back like he was superman and started to make a break and as soon as he turned around to run he bumped into the rack and clothes fell down when he got up he was faced with a pair of skippy's and a red faced mother who just happened to pick up a Van Huesen belt on the way to him. In a matter of seconds she covered his mouth gave his ass a good 5 and told him if he made a sound that there was more coming in the car. I always thought we were the masters at hiding that painful cry, but this kid held his damn hand to his mouth like his life depended on it. Here's the thing though, right above our heads were at least two eyes in the sky. At Filene's you know they be watching that shit like hawks too, cause we have at least one person we know that either got caught stealing or actually made it out of there. Funny thing is, she walked out with no problem. None.

and that's just some of the things going on the mall. Dammit can I get a f--king reality show? I mean I want my own too, don't make me no damn token black guy.

This is going to be one stressful weekend, I have my better half down south just trying to make a wager with the Man to make the days fly by. Me? I've been trying to bargin with Him myself. I don't know why, but it's always that last week before we see each other that things tend to get a little hectic. We both maintain through it all, that's what being strong is all about. Either way, next week we celebrate our one year birthday. (Sorry, anniversaries are for the married types in my book) anyway, that is what I will be looking foward to next week.

To T-baby, it was good talking to you once again, you make it a little easier for me not to talk shit about ALL of the women I know in the Field.

Big shout out to my cousin who said he's moving to S. Carolina and NOT coming back. Not that I don't like you or anything, it's just that I know you really aren't coming back and that's whassup for your future.

To K* soon baby.....soon.

Music playing on my mind - That's the Way of the World by Earth Wind and Fire.

Last but not least yall be good
enjoy seeing your hurricane contributions go to Louie Vuitton, and pretty much any other things these fools plan on buying with their newfound wealth. Dummies....but I'll get them later.

I'm out
Da Champ