The Evil That Men Do III

The last part of a trilogy...I decided to break this down into 3 parts considering that the first two posts with the same name were written so long ago, and if yall been keeping up with my shit then you should know that I change my titles all the time. So before I start with the disclaimer, I know my BoSox lost and so did the Suns. When Curt Schilling plays I already prepare myself for something bad to happen, so no surprise there. As far as the Suns are concerned (it's called ratings for tv) period.

Disclaimer: If you haven't figured it out already I am a male, a straight male at that. As some of yall read this you may start to feel a little weird, considering that some of these things you either experienced or seen one way or another. My post as explained before is meant to educate in some way, but with the nigga population constantly going up, and the range of smart folks on the steady decline, I feel as though some of the comments left will make an attempt on getting a rise out of me. Good luck, maybe this post will wake some of yall the fuck up, turn the light on that keeps buzzing and flickering while you are going through your day, or just remind you of shit you already know....either way, if this affects you in any way, then I've done my job.....

-daChamp



I will start this off with the Top 10 Questions women ask me about their 'other' that just can't seem to get an answer.....

10. Why is it that when we are on the phone together he puts me on hold and damn near 5 minutes later he's STILL NOT back on yet?

Ans: Well if you were smart enough to hang up in 3 minutes then you should have nothing to beef about, if you stayed the full 5 and it's turning into six then chances are that call was a little bit more important than trying to set up a date to see ATL. What you should worry about is how he acts when he gets back on the phone, or if you decide to hang up, don't even call dude back. Let him call you. If he calls back in 5 minutes or less, then chances are that call was one of those where the other just wouldn't shut the fuck up, or it was really for business. If it is more than 10 minutes and you don't get that call back, then it's more than likely he finally got that call from that chick in the mall who just happened to be at Cinnabon at the time. If he gives a shit, then in that span of 5 minutes he would've checked back in 2, if you were smart and gave him the chance to hang up and call back, he would call in those 5 minutes, if not then he'll take the advantage, and that convo that yall were having, THEY are now having.

9. When we first got together(living), he seemed all about me, now we a couple of years in and now he's become distant and stays doing "other" shit, whassup with that?

Ans: This one is a tough one because it takes a more detailed description as to what is going on at the home. If you were the same when yall met (you didn't gain weight, cosmetic surgery, tried crack, etc) then chances are he's bored and needs some type of excitement. This is one of those things that can be caught early. He will start doing things that will show distance (short phone convo's filled with alot of 'yeah's' uh-huh's and whaaaat's?), nights out turn to hours out and short nights, those 3 to 5 hour conversations about everything are now just shadows of thoughts unsaid. He won't hold your hand in the park anymore, sex is just a nut to him, yeah I said it, it's just a nut. We'll get to that later. Anyway if you are on some type of smothering type shit, then he's just trying to get away and breathe. Things he hasn't done in awhile (going to the club, strip joint at least a couple of times in the month, actually talking to his female friends in detail while you are there, having a 'guys' night out all of a sudden, acting all extra when you want to question his whereabouts and shit) all this is apart of dude trying to say "Uh something isn't right between us". What's crazy is that he would rather do all of the above without telling you, he would rather you figure it out because chances are he's too fucking frustrated with you. If you aren't doing something that he wants and he's no longer beefing about it yet still with you? Then you are prolly on the crash course with his newfound jump off in the future.

8. Why does he want to act all like he gives a shit when I'm about to be out on him? Yet when I stay, he acts like he doesn't want me here???

Ans: Ego, simple and plain. When men get this idea that the woman he's with is about to leave him, he will go through hoops to not end up 'that' man. You know, the one talked about in the salon, the one looked at sideways in the mall, he doesn't want to be the dumpee, he would rather affix himself to be the actual dumper but without dirty hands. He'll make your life hell when you stay so that you are somewhat forced out mentally, once that has been established that your emotions are pretty much shut down or out of control, he'll flip things so it looks like the fallout came due to you and whatever it is you are blaming yourself for at the time. All the while moving on without any thought about you. If you are one of those women who still 'put out to preserve', then he'll keep you around just for 'his' reasons alone. From that point, get out while you can, because everything out his mouth will be something you want to hear, and if you love him that much, you are going to hang on to every word. Men don't like being played with, but will go out their way for a mind game if they can capitalize with it, and yes that includes the matters of the heart. If you threaten him with leaving, then go. If you are doing this as a form of a wakeup call, then I advise you to be clear with yourself before anything else. Otherwise there's 9 and 10 up there to refer to.

7. How come he couldn't just tell me that he had a woman and things aren't great between them?

Ans: Simply because they don't want to lose, once again....ego. If they know that someone else is interested in them those ego points go up like mad. Especially if their woman is on point, they are going to want that cake and eat it too. Remember back in the day where dude wouldn't take you to those public places and only took you out at night? Well the 06' cat don't do that anymore, they have become lazy and don't really give a shit. Yet, when it comes to their woman, there is that chance of another wanting that spot. He won't tell the 2nd woman anything about the first unless he's absolutely ready to make that move away, all because he fears the 2nd woman is that damn bold enough to make her presence known and fuck up his whole shit. The 06' woman don't like to be second, and even if there is children somewhere in the mix, that 2nd woman can be just as scorned as the first, so he treads lightly. After all, he's not trying to set up a threesome, and you see he isn't really asking you about your man either. It isn't up to you to band aid his situation at home so he prolly won't tell you. If he is the 'honest' type, and does tell you, how honest can he be if he's willing to cheat on her with you before addressing and extinguishing the problem at home first???

6. Why do niggas who I cop from ask to blaze with me all the time??? They don't know me like that, plus I told them I have a man, wtf???

Ans: This answer is almost like common sense vs. business sense here. If you are copping a bag from ANYone, unless they are willing to light up with you then you are not obligated to light up whatever you got that you JUST purchased. Why give back 5 after you spent 10? No sense in that right? Ok, now the nigga whom you've copped from that you told you had a man pretty much everytime you copped from him is trying to get the draws by means of intoxication. I hate to say this, but cats smoke with girls alot to witness the effect first. If they have a group of niggas to smoke with, why have a girl in the mix? Why the need to all of a sudden make a 'new' friend? Think ladies, it is not an attempt to give you free trees, and oh yeah, watch for the nigga who offers to smoke with a pre-rolled el, chances are that shit is laced and before you know it, you on Hoodrats Gone Wild with other females who've fallen for the same thing. If you are in a position where you are all alone then my advice would be to stick with younger connects because they won't really fuck around with the older crowd. Don't get me wrong, there's a few of those dudes out there who are just trying to make a buck or two, and they can be sometimes inconsistant and unreliable, but easy to talk to and understanding so there is no hassle. If you do find yourself with a reliable connect with hassle, then I would advise either your man or a male friend you trust make a couple of calls to dude and do business with him as your man so it puts in his mind that you won't be doing all the business yourself and that there is someone around to handle shit if things go sour, just a little insurance for you.

5. I have no kids, yet he has two. I live with him, take care of those kids like they are mine, and I support him as a father more than anything, I just don't get why he always bows down or bends over everytime his baby momma comes around, wtf???

Ans: How do you keep peace with someone you created life with? Do whatever you can to keep em happy even if you don't want to. Most women use the whole baby momma thing to keep tabs on him rather than the kids. If she's scorned, then we all know that there will be hell to pay for him (child support, no-call show-ups, acting out at wal-mart) the woman in his life has a fucking war ahead of her. If she loves him she will exhaust all possibilities of reconcilliation between them but is still dealing with the battles within herself and whether or not this situation is right for her. Remember, no matter what the momma is going to be there, if that kid gets a scratch on him or her and the dad isn't around, prepare for more shit. I don't have a problem with dating people with kids so I can actually have an opinion on this. Establish your surroundings first, know EVERYthing you are dealing with across the board. Treat that shit like an AIDS test, know before you go, so that way as time progresses you aren't caught up with the chillin', you are in tune with yourself, and can make an exit when ready. He bows down not to be weak, but to avoid future frustration. He had enough in him to leave the headache and take the kids, give him credit there, yet if the situation you're in causes you to almost lose your mind, keep it moving. No need to stress yourself out trying to be number 1 when you come third or maybe fourth in his life.

With that said, there's 5 more to go and this kid's hands are geting tired.....big shout out to Pops over cross the Pike and Shottanix doin her thing way down on the I95, much love to yall. Oh, like I said this is going to be a pretty long post, so feel free to ask, comment and well you know I take kindly to death threats and personal attacks. So onward and upward we go.....

I'm out, enjoy the long weekend

daChamp